Four Rivers

He’d do it. He’d say it to her face now. No longer could he go on with this. Things had lasted way too long already. She took his breath away in a suffocating series of intriguing events, all of which he ended up losing his sense of grip in. Of course those events were cold, for she was a cold person. If he should compare her to an animal, she’d make an excellent cobra; distant, elegant, unpredictable and highly venomous, yet demanding his attention with her smooth, almost dancing, movements.

She was the coldest person he had ever met, yet he was completely absorbed by her. It was as if she had laid a spell on him. She had made a magnet of him, one that was only and at all times looking for her. However, she kept turning her pole, making him aimlessly run around her, like a projectile without direction.

Junhyung himself wasn’t that much of a good guy, he happened to like playing games, but she was much crueler. She attached herself to him, like a snake wraps itself around its prey. And like one can’t kiss a snake without serious consequences, Junhyung suffered hard. For months he had now lived like a marionette onto her strings. This wasn’t his game, it was hers and Junhyung needed a breath, or he’d suffocate.

With the sun sinking low above the horizon, Junhyung made haste to reach her house before sunset. It was late and his visit was unexpected. Not that it ever was expected, he had never been invited inside and he had never seen her parents, if they even lived with her. It was highly likely they did, for the house was rather large and looked nothing short of a small palace, albeit black and hidden in the woods of the garden. A fence wasn’t even needed, nobody would want to enter a place like that anyway, yet Junhyung was walking up their lane, when the sun hit the horizon.

Her name was Sa Kang, or ‘Four Rivers’ and she was as mysterious and beautiful as she was cold. She had long black hair, which was soft like silk, hanging down her back. Her large black eyes were so piercing that Junhyung sometimes thought they actually hurt him. She had a milky tea colored complexion with a slender body and small hands with long fingers. Fingers that Junhyung had so often looked at in his hands and the same fingers that told him to stop equally as often.

Then there was Junhyung, a little over average muscle, a little below average height, brown haired and brown eyes. Quite popular in high school, still popular in college, but completely uninterested in it, since it didn’t concern Sa Kang.

Junhyung brushed his palms along the side of his head before knocking on the door. There was no bell. There was no number or name either. Just the black wood dividing the space into inside and outside. A cold sensation went through his body as a light wind began blowing. A few leaves fell from the trees, although summer was still fully ongoing. Shrugging Junhyung waited for the door to be opened.

Just when Junhyung raised his fist to knock a second time, the door clicked out of its lock. Surprised, but not shy, Junhyung stepped inside, after briefly watching his surroundings. If she was going to play it like this, he might as well take the lead and play it bold.

What he saw inside was not in the least what he had expected. The lights were off, but a soft glow emanated from a thin mist hanging low above the concrete floor. Sa Kang was nowhere in sight, the house didn’t look inhabited at all. There were no rooms, just open spaces on different levels. A broad stairway of massive concrete without railing led up to a place Junhyung couldn’t see clearly. There was no furniture and not one facility, but the place wasn’t empty. Everywhere lay junk, covered in thick layers of gray dust. Junhyung slowly walked to the middle of the house, where an open space was created between all the dusty car parts, wooden boxes, ripped clothes, broken neon signs and all. A sad looking teddy bear watched him with it's one eye, the other eye was lost somewhere. For a second Junhyung thought he spotted a hint of pity from it, but he had not the time to think about it, for an alluring voice whispered his name.

“Junhyung…” The voice repeated, it was Sa Kang, but Junhyung couldn’t make out where she was. The sound of her soft voice entered both his ears as if she was whispering in them directly, which was pretty impossible, but even so, she wasn’t at his side.

Suddenly he saw a white clothed form moving in the back of the house and instantly he found his legs running into that direction. Willingly he followed the figure into the backyard. Sa Kang was leading the way, her thin silken dress blowing in the wind. If Junhyung hadn’t been too occupied by her, he’d have seen all the leaves had fallen and the garden looked dispirited in the absence of any living plants.

His chest was tight, the presence of Sa Kang suffocated him in a physical manner, but she had taken possession of him and he returned to her every time, like a junk. He had already started to forget the purpose of his visit. With his hand he reached out to her. Tauntingly she smiled back at him and stepped away, down the little flight of stairs that submerged into the shallow water. That’s when Junhyung first noticed the strange streams in her backyard. Sa Kang had just stepped into the pool that connected four streams, running away into the four directions of the wind.

“Junhyung, are you mine?” Sa Kang’s soft voice asked. Something in it was demanding, yet Junhyung wasn’t able to detect it any longer. His response was as immediate as it was determinate.
“I’m yours!” He had said it before any consideration crossed his mind, let alone all the objections he’d had.

Soft rain was falling, making small circles in the surface of the water. Sa Kang was wading through the pool, the water coming up to her waist. Junhyung watched her dancing movements as she walked up to his side again, letting her long fingers move delicately through the surface of the water. Slowly he walked up to her, even though his lungs were giving him trouble again.

“Who am I?” Sa Kang asked as Junhyung stood at the edge of the pool, at the top of the stairs.
“S-sa… Kang…” Junhyung said with difficulty, clutching the railing of the stairs. “Four… Rivers…”
Sa Kang didn’t look at him, her gaze was stuck at the height of his sneakers and with surprise Junhyung witnessed how Sa Kang showed a real emotion for the very first time. A tear slowly slid down her cheek, became a droplet on her jaw line and then submerged into the water, emerged and became one with it.
“Don’t cry…” Junhyung breathed and reached forward to touch her cheek and wipe her eyes, but she moved away.
“My name is a unity…” She hissed, a sudden venomous undertone was in her voice. The rain fall had grown more vicious and colder. Sakang grabbed Junhyung’s arm and pulled him into the pool, roughly, with a power that didn’t suit her tiny form. The water felt like recently melted ice, stark and heavy. The rain slowly turned into snow.

Junhyung felt the life seeping out of him. He was tricked, lured into the trap of a monster. It was too late when he realized Sakang as a unity meant ‘death space’. And just like the four rivers, the death space existed within Sakang’s presence.

~~~

Walk With Me

CHAPTER 1: That Night
[written for "Radio_Active"]

Toss, turn, toss… Ria was having trouble falling asleep. Being in another bed than her own didn’t make it any easier. The sheets felt unfamiliar and the mattress was bigger and less soft than those at home. To make matters worse, Ria had never really been the type of person to fall asleep just about anywhere.

If Ria could have avoided a stay at the Park Hotel, she wouldn’t have been here now, but she was obliged to it. She was in her trainee period to become a photographer and was given that great opportunity to accompany South-Korea’s most successful photographer on his job to photograph the models of Seoul’s Fashion Week. It would have been crazy to turn that offer down. However, fashion shows and fancy hotels weren’t really the things Ria was after…

“Think of something nice…” Ria mumbled to herself and tried to find that slow pace of breathing, that state in which you’ll fall asleep. The clock ticked 12 am and Ria felt herself drift off as she counted along with the soft ticking.

However, her sleep got disturbed not long after, because nature was calling her. Badly. Now she had two choices: to hold it in and go back to sleep (which was practically impossible) or to put on her bathrobe and walk to the (unfortunately shared) bathroom. At first, Ria challenged to try the impossible, but being fully awake once again, she decided against it and kicked the sheets off. ‘So much for some good night’s sleep!’ Ria thought as she took her bathrobe from the chair beside the bed.

The hallway had a spooky glow, coming from the small yellow lights on both the walls. Tiptoeing her way to the end of the hallway, Ria found the bathroom empty and sighed in relief. She wouldn’t have liked to encounter someone who’s also in need of a midnight’s pee. No, that would only have been awfully awkward. But luckily, no such thing, as Ria closed the door behind her and found (to her delight) that the light in the bathroom was gloriously bright.

When she opened the door to tiptoe back to her room, her soul almost left her body. If she had not been so shocked into speechlessness, she would have screamed so hard that people in China might have heard.

Before her hung a guy in pajamas. Silent, tall and both his hands gripping the windowsill above the bathroom door. His eyes were closed and his head rested against one of his (rather muscled) upper arms. What the heck was he doing?!

“Yah! Now is not the time to exercise, you know…” Ria whisper-said when she had recovered from shock.

No reaction…

All kinds of thoughts went through Ria’s head. From how handsome he actually was, quickly replaced by irritation because of his bad manners, to worry that he might be dead. She coughed a little before she poked him in the side.

Finally, reaction!

The guy released his grip on the windowsill and fell down with a thud, landing on his butt, right before Ria’s feet. He didn’t let out so much as a sigh and Ria became more and more convinced that this guy was undeniably and utterly crazy… Within the blink of an eye the guy stood up and towered above her. His eyes were something between open and closed and he was goofily smiling at her. She had to admit, he looked beyond gorgeous and his scent was a masculine intoxication (definitely on a high yummy-level). However his behavior was a total joke…

“Excuse me, can I pass?” Ria asked, after being stared at by eyes that were semi-closed.

“Do you sell… Ddukbokki?” came a sleepy reply.

“Eh, no of course not…” Ria answered.

“No, we don’t… want ketchup… with it…” came another distracted and sleepy reply.

Something about the way the guy was speaking, the way he lacked to show any emotion, told Ria this guy was just sleepwalking. Realizing it all now, she wanted to laugh out loud, send him back to his room and try to catch a few hours of sleep. If only she knew where to send him…

Looking around she realized she couldn’t just leave him behind. There was a stairway at the end of the hallway and if he walked to over there, he might just tumble down the stairs and hurt himself.

“What’s your room number?” Ria asked the guy, already knowing he probably wouldn’t give her the answer she was looking for.

“Dongwoon… that’s me…”

Not his room number, but now she knew his name. A new idea came to mind. There were always receptionists working, right? If she could bring this Dongwoon to a receptionist, they would be able to bring him back to his own hotel room, wouldn’t they?

Reluctantly Ria stood watching the guy as he continued to stare at her through his eye lashes, made a sudden turn and started walking in the direction of the elevators, opposite the side of the stairway. Again the question, whether or not she should take care of him getting back inside his hotel room, troubled her. Sure, it wasn’t her responsibility at all, let alone that she should bring him back to his bed, but it wouldn’t be right to let him walk on, would it? So she made a decision. Quickly she ran to Dongwoon, grabbed one of his wrists and punched the button of the elevator. Ria was going to take him to a receptionist.

Dongwoon hadn’t struggled at all when she took his wrist, but as soon as the elevator beeped, the doors opened and Ria wanted to pull him inside, he stood rigid as stone and wouldn’t step inside. Sighing, Ria gave up and let the elevator doors close again without getting in. What was she even thinking? Walking around with hotel guests like she’s an umma that brings her children to bed. Spending time on a sleepwalker who’d probably go out of his room again, while she actually needed these hours to sleep…

Over thinking all those reasons why she could better go to sleep, she resolutely left Dongwoon for what he was and marched back to her own hotel room. She didn’t notice Dongwoon was following her like a shadow, until he stepped through her opened door just before she did.

“What the…?” before Ria could finish her sentence, Dongwoon had snuggled between the sheets on her king sized bed and let out soft, content snores.

Ria stood for a moment, as she saw the happy sleeping face of Dongwoon and wondered what she should do. She scratched the back of her head. Although the bed was king sized, Dongwoon had taken the liberty to lay in the middle of the bed. Although it was probably the best idea to wake him up and tell him to leave, she just couldn’t. Instead, she took another blanket from the cabinet and went to lay down on the couch herself.

CHAPTER 2: That Day

When Ria opened her eyes, the first thing she thought was that she was still dreaming. The sleepwalker from her dreams had both of his arms around her, hugging her from behind. His forehead rested between her shoulder blades and his warm breath was blown down her back every time he breathed out. It all felt so real…

It wasn’t until she wanted to sit up, that Ria realized everything was real. For a brief second she panicked. Why was she on the bed? Didn’t she went to sleep on the couch?! She didn’t remember… Another question, possibly the most pressing question, was: Did anything happen between them? To Ria’s relief they both wore their pajamas and nothing seemed particularly odd. Except for the obvious fact of the guy’s presence, of course.

Today was going to be Ria’s first day as a trainee, therefore she needed to wake up early. She looked at her alarm clock. 7:30 am, time to wake up… Carefully she lifted up Dongwoon’s arm that was on her waist. If she went to the bathroom to get washed and dressed first, he could sleep for a little longer. After that, Ria would have to wake him up and tell him to leave.

When Ria came back from the bathroom, he was still there, sleeping on his back with his mouth slightly opened. He looked like a little kid and Ria felt a weird need to take care of him. However, she couldn’t let him sleep, she had to be his rude wake-up call due to her own schedule.

“Wake up~…” Ria nudged his shoulder lightly. It wouldn’t be too nice if she ripped away the sheets, would it?

A protesting groan escaped Dongwoon’s throat as he closed his mouth, turned on his side and pulled the sheets higher up. A stronger determination was needed and Ria decided to just jump on the bed for a moment. Why on earth should she wake him up with total politeness, when he had invaded her goodnight’s sleep, her room and even her bed?!

Within a second she stood jumping next to him, until he sat up straight and started yawning and rubbing his eyes. In the moments that followed Ria could see the magical transformation from the cute boy Dongwoon seemed to be, to the handsome guy he really was. Now this perfect being had turned into a charismatic persona with just the addition of a certain look in his eyes. Ria stood enchanted as she, for the first time in his presence, held her breath and felt her heart skip a beat.

Dongwoon looked around with a frown, before looking at Ria. His eyes grew wide and he stood up from the bed, bowed politely and then grinned sheepishly.

“I’m sorry for being here… I must have gone into the wrong hotel room…” Dongwoon apologized.

Ria was still a little baffled by the whole revelation of Dongwoon’s charismatic side. She stepped off the bed and smiled politely.

“It’s okay, I guess, you were sleepwalking before you, ehm, slept here…” She said and felt her cheeks turn a little rosy.

“Well, this is pretty awkward, isn’t it? I’m Son Dongwoon, by the way. Well, I’ll be going now.” Dongwoon said and bowed once again before turning and walking out of the room.

Ria felt sad that she didn’t even told him her name, he had just walked out and she had been too dazed to do anything more than watch him leave… With a sigh Ria sat down on the bed and thought about the whole episode for awhile. Of course it would have been awkward for him to stay longer, or to have any sort of normal conversation with her, but she wouldn’t have disliked it, Ria realized.

The ticking from the clock reminded her to get going. She didn’t need to use the Park Hotel’s food facilities, since the photographer was going to treat her to breakfast to get to know her a little better and to talk about the when and how of her traineeship.

A delightful breakfast and an interesting conversation with South Korea’s #1 photographer later, Ria was on her way to the real job. She drove in a limo with the photographer, whose name was Baek Joon Gu, to the location of the shooting, which was a large empty sports hall, set up as a huge glamour stage in a colorful spring theme.

“You see the lights there? These are for the general lighting. Now these babies here…” Baek Joon Gu said, while pointing at the huge white umbrellas, “they do the real lighting. They are the ones responsible for that healthy glimmer, that radiating glow on the model’s skin.”

Ria followed him to the umbrellas and took a closer look at the things as Baek Joon Gu explained how they influenced the photo made, when using them.

When it was time for the models to take their places, Ria was settled right next to Baek Joon Gu, so she could see what he was seeing, but also what he was doing. When the first model went to stand on the set, Ria noticed they were going to shoot photos of male models and the theme was rather exposing. The first model was wearing an open shirt with short sleeves and blue denim shorts. The model didn’t need many directions as Baek Joon Gu was clicking away with the camera. Within 10 minutes, the model was done and another took his place. Then another and yet another. It all went very quickly and by the time it was the last few models’ turn for the camera, they were ahead of schedule.

“Thank you, next!” Baek Joon Gu said and smiled while waving his arm in a theatrical movement. “Ria, since we have plenty of time, I suggest you take the photos and I’ll give our next model the directions.”

Smiling broadly, Ria took place behind the camera and waited for the next model to show up on the set. When he did, she thought she needed an eye check. Right before her, bare-chested and in white shorts, stood the guy she caught hanging on the bathroom’s window sill, the guy that crawled into her bed just a mere 12 hours ago… With eyes huge as black pebbles in a stream, Ria stared at him, until he looked back, recognized her and smiled in return. It really was him, after all.

“Ria? Are you going to take photos? Or should I show you another time first?” Baek Joon Gu’s words brought her back to the present and without much hesitation she started the photo-taking.

“That’s right~! Lift your right hand a little higher… Great~!” Baek Joon Gu began actively shouting his directions at Dongwoon, who was enjoying the enthusiastic attention he was receiving.

Ria was once again completely enchanted as she was looking through the lens of the camera, while Dongwoon was throwing all kinds of attractive looks directly towards the camera and thus to her. He even winked and smirked seductively. Ria had to keep reminding herself to keep taking photos, for it became too easy to just stare at him. Suddenly a thought struck her mind… Why was he winking? It wasn’t like a photo could capture it, unless he kept his eye closed for a little longer… Did it mean… he was winking at her?

…And now he was blowing kisses? Ria blinked her eyes to make sure she wasn’t imagining it all. If she hadn’t stopped listening to Baek Joon Gu, she would have known Joon Gu gave him those directions, but that was merely because Dongwoon had created such an atmosphere in the first place.

Blinking didn’t change anything. Dongwoon kept stirring her heart with his playful flirting. It seemed totally out of character, knowing how charismatic he looked before, but he was perfectly capable of being desirable in a playful manner as well.

“Okay, that was fantastic!” Baek Joon Gu wrapped up the shoot and thereby ended Ria’s few minutes of pure enjoyment.

Instead of going right back to the dressing room, Dongwoon stepped off the set, grabbed a bottle of multivitamin juice and walked straight up to Ria.

“I didn’t know you were going to be my photographer!” he said amazed and smiled one of his charismatic smiles, one that suited him best and made Ria swoon on the inside.

“I didn’t know you were going to be my model!” Ria laughed, realizing this was the time to introduce herself. “I’m Ria by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Ria. Was I a good enough model for you?” Dongwoon asked, sincerely, but still in a light-hearted manner.

“You’re the best!” It was out of her before she could over-think it. “I- I mean, you were pretty good…”

Dongwoon smiled broadly, he had totally gotten her true feeling on the model-photographer relationship. He did well, very well and she was definitely impressed.

“Thank you!” he said and kissed her on the cheek before turning and entering the dressing room.

Ria stood there, frozen, did he just kiss her? On the inside she danced a victory dance and on the outside she had trouble suppressing a huge smile. While on the other side of the dressing room door, Dongwoon was doing exactly the same thing…

~~~

Coffee Encounters

Pressed in between the crowd Heeyoung fought her way to the entry of the train. It was another Monday and the mass of people was on its way to either office or college. Heeyoung however wasn’t heading to any such place. She had a day off and wanted to visit her halmeoni. Unlike the instant picture anyone would have with the mentioning of an older woman in an elderly home, Heeyoung’s halmeoni was far from what you’d expect. In an odd way, Heeyoung’s halmeoni was fun.

With a little force Heeyoung managed to board the train and secured a little space against the wall. Luckily she wouldn’t have to grab the pole to keep her balance. Heeyoung had a vivid aversion to touching public property. It was hardly a difficulty to imagine all types of bacteria from all types of places to stick together and form that greasy, recognizable yucky feeling.

“Excuse me?” Heeyoung heard a woman’s voice say, but she couldn’t see anyone over the heads around her. Then the doors closed. She wondered if the person had managed to board or not. One way or another, the train was leaving the station and it was completely packed with people. ‘Only three stops left, only three…’ Heeyoung reassured herself to keep from pushing the sweaty man in front of her away.

When they arrived at the first stop, Heeyoung saw to her surprise that lots of people exited, including Mister ‘I’ll-deprive-anyone-in-the-entire-cabin-of-not-even-so-fresh-air’. It was still full in the train, but at least Heeyoung had some breathing space now.

At the last moment, a guy with a cup of coffee in his hand was boarding. A look of displeasure was on his face as he looked around for an empty seat but failed to find one. ‘Another one of those lads with coffee.’ Heeyoung thought as the guy grabbed the pole with the sleeve of his jacket and tried to keep his coffee from leaking out of the cup. The train continued its journey.

He was now standing in front of her, giving her a quick glance and something which may have been an approving nod, but one could never be sure with all that train movement. Heeyoung took the time and the freedom to take in his features. He was pretty handsome, tall and broad shouldered, a little innocent maybe? His name was Dongwoon, or he had called himself that when he went to get some coffee at Starbucks… Either way, it said Dongwoon on his Starbucks cup.
“Studying anatomy?” the guy who went by the name Dongwoon asked with a grin.
“Eh, no, not at all!” Heeyoung answered honestly, before realizing he was making a remark on her little (what she thought unnoticeable) investigation and started blushing, something she wasn’t used to doing. The guy just flashed a crooked smile at her and that kind of made it worse.

Just when Heeyoung wanted to apologize (something which wasn’t exactly necessary) and tell him what she was doing for educational purposes (which wasn’t necessary at all), someone had pulled the emergency stop and the train was rapidly losing speed. The results meant a crushed Heeyoung against the train’s wall, a Dongwoon pressed against her and a leaking cup of coffee between them.
When the train had stopped moving altogether, Heeyoung felt how she could breathe freely again, because Dongwoon had stepped backwards, discarded the cup and started apologizing profusely.
Heeyoung didn’t notice the coffee stain on both their shirts at first, she was too shocked with the realization that she wouldn’t mind it at all if gravity would shift and she’d be pressed against Dongwoon’s chest once more. Wait, did she really just thought that?

“I’m so sorry, can I buy you a new shirt?” Dongwoon asked almost pleading, as he had interpreted her silence as anger.
“Sorry, what?” Heeyoung asked, wondering if he had really said what she just heard.
That was the moment she noticed her shirt, and his too, was stained with coffee and possibly ruined forever.
“You can’t really walk around like that, can you? Please let me buy you a new shirt.” Dongwoon offered again.
Now that was a tempting offer… Heeyoung could see herself marching around the shopping mall with him, trying on different shirts and Dongwoon would have to check her out in everyone of them.
“No, it’s not necessary, I’m OK.” Heeyoung answered out of reflex, but she tried to cover the stain by holding her arms crossed over her chest.
Dongwoon sighed. “No, you’re not… I don’t often do this, but I insist.”
Heeyoung looked up to see his face and his grin greeted her. He wasn’t very innocent, how come she ever thought that?
“I can’t, I’m about to visit my halmeoni…” Heeyoung brought in as an excuse, even though she really would like to spend some more time with Dongwoon.
“All the more reason to look clean!” Dongwoon reasoned, without doubt also picturing her halmeoni to be the usual old lady…
“Oh, then you don’t know my halmeoni!” Heeyoung said amused.
“No halmeoni wants their granddaughter walking around with a smear on their clothes!” Dongwoon stated. Of course he had a point…
“No halmeoni would want their granddaughter to go shopping with strangers.” Heeyoung challenged.
To that Dongwoon immediately extended his hand.
“I’m Son Dongwoon, born in 1991, a good eater and an overall nice guy. There, now I’m not a stranger anymore!”
Heeyoung laughed, this Dongwoon was a nice guy. “I’m Heeyoung.” she said and shook his hand.
“Great, let’s go shopping!” Dongwoon said and took her arm, just to release it again as he realized they were still waiting on the train to start driving again.

Suddenly Heeyoung became very conscious of the stares she was receiving from one of the men on the train. He was staring with big round eyes (not the cute type, but the creepy type) at a particular spot on her chest. Heeyoung felt exposed, she had no idea how to make the man stop looking at her. Glaring didn’t work, since the man made no eye-contact with her. She coughed and turned away a little, hoping that would send the message. It didn’t change the man’s staring behavior, but now Dongwoon had noticed the man as well. Disgusted by the way the man had started to lick his lips, Dongwoon turned towards Heeyoung and hugged her. He was shielding Heeyoung from the man and at the same time making her unable to see the disturbing look on the man’s face.

Realizing with shock that Dongwoon wasn’t going to stop hugging her like that until they were going to depart the train, Heeyoung blushed and couldn’t utter a word. She just hoped her blushing wasn’t noticeable by warmth, since their cheeks were a mere inch apart.
“Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, I just can’t stand the look on that man’s face.” Dongwoon whispered in her ear.
This really had Heeyoung startled, what did he mean? Why should he be bothered by it?

When the train finally stopped at a station, Heeyoung felt a wave of disappointment as Dongwoon moved away. However, that feeling was quickly replaced with more warm wonderment when he grabbed her hand instead and led her out of the train. It was difficult not to like Dongwoon, he had that confident, but still modest thing going on, a really attractive charm.

“What kind of shirt do you like?” Dongwoon asked, still holding Heeyoung’s hand, like they were lovers on a summer’s walk. Except that they weren’t.
“Hmm…” Heeyoung made a stretched thinking sound. She wasn’t sure what the best answer was.
Something cheap…? He might get offended if she insisted she just wanted a plain white T-shirt. However, if she chose anything that costs above average, it might look like she was using the opportunity…
“You know what, I have an idea.” Dongwoon stated and started walking, while taking Heeyoung with him by the hand.
“Where are we going?” Heeyoung asked, wondering whatever idea had popped up in his mind.
“To my aunt.” His short answer came, but his excitement rung through those few words.
“Woah? Why am I meeting your family?” Heeyoung let out, but then became embarrassed by the suggestion that he was going to introduce her to his family.
Dongwoon grinned. So, he did caught that small hint. “My aunt is the owner of Seoul’s newest fashion brand. I think you’ll like her fashion. Georgio Armani called it ‘my new favorite Asian fashion brand’ when he met her during the Fashion Week in Paris.”
Heeyoung’s mouth hung slightly open upon hearing that, how was she ever going to refuse politely at this new offer? He was going to buy her one of his aunt’s shirts? That was crazy!

At a store, which was prettily decorated, not to mention classy, Dongwoon halted and opened the door to let Heeyoung in. For a moment, Heeyoung was convinced she just entered heaven. The atmosphere was really light and clean, soft music was playing in the background and even the smell was inviting. Dongwoon walked straight towards the shirt department, which made Heeyoung remember what they were here for.
“Hmm, do you like this one?” Dongwoon picked a soft blue colored shirt with ¾ long sleeves and a wide neck out of one of the clothing racks.
It looked absolutely stunning, but so did the rest of the stuff…
“Dongwoon-ah!” An excited female voice sounded behind them.
“Auntie!” Dongwoon replied. “How have you been?”
“Oh, the usual stuff. I’ve been a little hectic, but lately things are a little more balanced in life.”
Heeyoung used the time Dongwoon and his aunt talked to each other to take a look at the latter. The woman was probably in her mid-forties, but she looked as gorgeous as someone in the end of her twenties.
“Auntie, this is Heeyoung, I kind of ruined her shirt, so I was hoping to buy her a new one from your store.” Dongwoon said, bringing Heeyoung back to the present.
A smile broke out on his aunt’s face.
“Oh, that’s so thoughtful, is she your girlfriend?”
A silence followed in which the both of them looked at each other and started blushing a little, Heeyoung more than Dongwoon though.
“G-g-girlfriend?” Heeyoung uttered.
“No, no, no~” Dongwoon announced, a little too assuring, while his voice gave away that he wasn’t at all sure about that. “We just met.”
“Oh~” his aunt replied knowingly and nodded. “Well, if you want a shirt, you can pick whichever you like! I’ll give them to you for free, but don’t tell your friends, okay?” She directed it to Heeyoung and winked.
“You don’t have t…-” Heeyoung started, but Dongwoon’s aunt shook her head.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” She smiled politely.

An hour and a half later, Heeyoung felt like she had tried on about every shirt available and was well on her way trying all the pants and dresses and skirts. While she had just come to buy a shirt, Dongwoon’s aunt had gradually begun to give her a complete new wardrobe.
It was a blast. Heeyoung tried on something, Dongwoon gave his opinion (usually praise) and his aunt had come with something more to try.

When they were done, Heeyoung had received a total of three complete outfits and did not even had to pay a single cent. She felt a little guilty and wondered what she should tell her parents, but overall she was happy and grateful.

“I’ll walk you to the station.” Dongwoon offered when they had said goodbye to his aunt and left the store.
“Thanks.” Heeyoung smiled and let Dongwoon take one of her bags to carry.
During their walk to the station they talked endlessly and exchanged phone numbers. Heeyoung noticed they were walking slower with every step. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye so soon.
“Have fun at your halmeoni’s!” Dongwoon said, when they arrived at the platform where the train was about to come.
“Thanks, I will.” Heeyoung answered.
A silence stretched between them as no further words were required to be said, but a lingering feeling kept them together. While the train arrived at the platform, Heeyoung and Dongwoon kept staring into each other’s eyes. Dongwoon broke the magic slightly by coughing once, but then he did the complete unexpected as he moved forwards and kissed Heeyoung, pulling her close to him.
When the kiss ended he sprinted away, turned, smiled and waved.
“I’ll miss you, call me this evening!” he yelled and skipped out of sight.
Her heart was pounding as she boarded the train with her three shopping bags. Never again would she judge coffee stains as a bad thing. And lads with coffee on the train were handsome.

~~~

Elevator to 4½th Floor?

“Oh crap, it can’t be him!” I sighed as I hid behind a pillar in the large mall just to see that the person shopping there was indeed the one and only jerk Eunhyuk!
I let him pass and quickly found my way to the store I had to go to. I was shopping for Christmas presents and clearly I wasn’t the only one with that idea. The mall was crowded like you can only see it at Christmas or Thanksgiving time. I had ran into more acquaintances today than I’d seen in the whole year before! Most of them were exes I just ignored, but Eunhyuk couldn’t be ignored, nobody ignores a monkey when they see one… That didn’t mean I wanted to acknowledge his presence or run into him though…

“Excuse me! Can you pass me that box?” I pointed at a box with a large Lego-castle on the cover. My little brother would definitely be pleased to have it!
“Sure miss!” The shopkeeper (or was he just a helper?) said and looked satisfied my choice had fallen on that box. I had to hold back from reminding him I had a budget. If it was too expensive, I wasn’t going to fill his pockets this year!
“Do you have a discount on those?” I asked, seeing that the price they asked was way above the amount I was willing to spend.
The helper (he must be just that, no way he had set up this toy-paradise!) shook his head.
“Then do you have anything like this, but then for half of the price?” I asked, batting my eye-lashes and making my eyes resemble the ones of a puppy. I was convinced the male species was rather oblivious to the tricks women used on them every day to get things done, since guys had always fallen for the eye-lash thing and puppy eyes!
“That would be one of these…” The helper put back the large box as he took out one the size of a shoebox for baby shoes. This wasn’t going to be pleasant…
He looked at me apologetic as he reminded me in a kind way that I had to pay more if I wanted anything bigger. I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to have the helper to think bad of me, so I faked stomach cramps.
“Ow, ow!” I sat down and grabbed my abdomen. I should become an actress!
“Miss, are you alright?” The helper stared at me wide-eyed. He bought it!
I shook my head violently. Seeing as he took out a cell phone and started punching in some digits, I knew this wasn’t what I wanted.
“No, don’t call for help… I’m…” I needed an excuse. “I’m just having my period cramps…”
Gosh, that was embarrassing! Fortunately, no guy knows these cramps don’t appear like that, so acute.

A mere 5 minutes later…

“Here miss, have a nice day!” The helper handed me a bag with the big box. Yes! Done it again! I got myself a 50% discount.

Unconsciously I started looking around for Eunhyuk once I set one foot outside of the store. He was somewhere in this building. Maybe he had a date, he was dressed so nicely! He must be on a date! I was certain now, Eunhyuk had always been rather easy about his outfit, but now suddenly he looked handsome. He must be on a date with another one of his girls…

It happened a year ago. Me and Eunhyuk were a ‘we’ and they called us a couple. Eunhyuk was more handsome than most of the guys I dated, so I liked the fact they saw us as the real deal. I was ready to really fall in love with him. I was ready to give up everyone else for him. Actually I already had given up on them since I liked Eunhyuk the most. I still met up with them, but I didn’t feel anything when they kissed me… But then one day, I saw Eunhyuk kissing another girl. She wasn’t as beautiful as I, she was also taller than Eunhyuk himself, there shouldn’t have been happening anything between the two of them! They should have ignored each other, or at least Eunhyuk should have ignored her. For some odd reason, something inside me had broken and I repaid Eunhyuk by breaking us up. Did I mention that was one day before Christmas?

Lucky for me, he was nowhere in sight…
Dumping my bag of presents into the elevator, I pressed the top button. On the 10th floor my hairdresser was located and I wanted a new haircut just before Christmas, so that’s where I was heading to. On the 4th floor however, the doors opened again. All the other people got out, but one person was hesitating to go in or not. I saw it was the one I had been trying to avoid. The Lee Eunhyuk was debating whether to step in or take the other one. I prayed he wouldn’t, or better still step in and have the doors crush him. At the last moment he decided to jump in before the doors closed. He pushed the button for the 5th floor. What a wimp! Just one floor?
Before I could comment however, the lights in the elevator went out, the cabin shook lightly and then there was nothing but four walls, darkness, Eunhyuk and me…

It was nothing like the heroic scene I’d often seen in movies. Eunhyuk did not open the top of the cabin, did not drag me out of it and he also didn’t stay calm. Eunhyuk screamed. “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!”
“Yah! Don’t do that!” I shrieked. I was terrified of the dark, I have always been, but Eunhyuk was now really testing my calm. I was close to losing it and I knew that.
“Can someone hear meeeeeee?” he kept yelling, until I clamped myself against him. I was scared, crazily scared of letting him go. I saw nothing and if I’d let go of him then there really was nothing.
“Can you please let go? If you want to kill me first, so there’s more oxygen for you, just know I won’t let you!” He said, making a new fear develop in my brain. What if there indeed wasn’t going to be enough oxygen for the both of us?!
“Lee Eunhyuk!” I had planned to yell it as a warning, but the fear reduced it to a mere shriek.
“I know you’re probably relieved your girlfriend will be worried and search for you, but I’m going to be stuck here forever!” I let out. Somewhere in my brain I registered the complete insanity of my words, but I wasn’t acting with my brain, this was my gut instinct speaking.
Eunhyuk laughed. “Silly…” but he didn’t deny his date.
“You really had to have a date today?” I asked, beyond my sane control.
“No, I was just shopping for Christmas. I don’t even have a girl.” He answered.
I punched him in the back, without letting go of him. “The Lee Eunhyuk, without a girl! Haha!” I laughed the way people do when they don’t get a joke, I guess something of sarcasm rang through it as well.
“Funny, isn’t it?” He asked, his arms around me. It was both confusing and comforting, but mostly painfully familiar.
“Yah! What are you doing?!” I bit at him.
“Well, what are you?” Eunhyuk retorted, ignoring my moody ways.
It was silent for a while, until my silly mouth opened again to spill more insanity.
“I’m so deeply in love with you that I’d grab you in every dark alley and this is just another one of those… No seriously, I’m just harassing you…” I wanted it to sound sarcastic, but I was afraid, almost certain it hadn’t quite the right intonation.
“Kim Na-Young… Get a grip.” He warned, I touched a weak spot, perhaps.
“Working on it…” I replied, holding onto him with more strength.
“Nana…” He said, this time less warning, but that might as well be because he used my nickname.
Before I could suppress them, tears rolled down my cheeks. My long hidden feelings were showing and I lifted my head to prevent Eunhyuk from noticing them through wet spots on his shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Eunhyuk asked, sounding amused. I could picture the half-smile that must be on his face now.
“Nothing.” I replied. My voice was still weirdly high pitched, but it now also possessed a light tremor.
To my dismay, my nose started running. I had always wondered why it was that actors and models could cry so beautifully, but when I was in tears it was far from beautiful, I would just snivel and look dreary.
“Don’t cry, we’ll make it out of here.” Eunhyuk said wiping my tears with his thumb.
He thought I was crying about something so insignificant as this elevator?! I punched him in the stomach, to which he groaned.
“I don’t care about the damn elevator!” I yelled and then the tears really came. Eunhyuk stayed quiet and it somehow enraged me even more.
“I’m not crying!” I let out, frustrated that he wouldn’t answer me.
“I’m not-…” I stopped to hiccup and started hyperventilating. I was severally stressed.
“Shh, shh…” Eunhyuk tried to calm me, rocking me slowly in his arms.
“Hyuk-ah…” I sniffed.
“Hmm?”
“I love you…”
“…I-I love you too…”

Just as our lips were softly renewing their memories of each other, the cabin started getting into movement, the lights turned back on and the elevator proceeded it’s way to the 5th floor. Instead of getting out, Eunhyuk immediately pushed the button to close the doors. Together we went to the 10th floor.
“Didn’t you had to get out at the 5th floor?” I asked.
“Not really, I was just too nervous to be around you all the way up to the 10th floor.” Eunhyuk giggled sheepishly.
“Babo!” I hit him lightly on his shoulder, before we walked hand in hand towards the hairdresser.
Oh, did I mention Eunhyuk was being a gentleman, carrying my bag?

~~~

Without Words

[Story written by me and my sister Irene, plot idea given by HaeDeVil_23 on AFF]

She was a loner, and because of that she had an imaginary friend. She had a passion for poetry, as she was always writing poems for herself. She was a person that lacks self-confidence but would only fully show herself when doing poetry slamming, as it is the only thing she was confident about.

They said I’m reserved. I know I don’t usually speak up to people; it’s as if I’m always trying to walk the safe route.
When I was younger I believed them, thus I tried to oppress it and acted extravagantly sociable around people. But growing up I slowly began to realize it wasn’t shyness or lack of confidence that’s blocking my self-actualization… I was only quiet because I liked to be… I felt comfortable that way and it was part of my personality. There was nothing I could do about it. I often chose sitting alone with myself at school, over being surrounded by a large group of friends. Sure, they were nice, but conversations… it was always the same old song. People talk about homework, tests, sports, their hobbies… or just superficial stuff in their surroundings. And always it starts with “hey, how are you?” The way people talk with everybody just to be speaking didn’t appeal to me like the way it seemed to appeal to others. It’s like they act as If they are interested in each other’s lives, but they are not.

So… I didn’t like to talk… Maybe I really was different from everyone else.

I admit that often I didn’t have much confidence to speak up because as every teenager, I did care about what other people thought about me, though that didn’t really had anything to do with a lack of self-confidence. I just cared… because I was considerate enough to care for their feelings…
I didn’t realize back then, that I secretly wished for someone to be considerate enough to care for mine… Just someone who would, without using too many words, reveal to understand me. Somebody who’d take the time to get to know me for who I really was, and somebody who could approach me like that.

I rested my head in the snow and let out a deep sigh in frustration.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing Jimmy, I’m just tired…”

I closed my eyes and almost fell asleep laying in the snow. When suddenly a snow ball hit my face and woke me up from my little nap. I brushed the snow away to look straight into the face of a smiling Minho and quite a good looking guy I’d never seen before.

“ARE YOU MAKING SNOW FIGURES?” Minho laughed at me.
The other guy grinned inaudibly with his shoulders going up and down.

Hastily I struggled to my feet and glared at Minho without knowing what to say back from the embarrassment.
I shot a quick glance at the other guy but didn’t dare to look him in the eyes.

“Is this your poem?!” Minho let out when he picked a piece of paper out of my bag that had stuck out, in the split second I wasn’t watching him.

“Y-yah! Give it back!” I shouted hesitantly.

“Puha! I’m so going to win!” He waved with his hand and let it fly away “HAHA!” They ran.

Jerks…

I picked up my poem and wiped the few snowflakes off. I reread the lines I had written last morning and felt unhappy all of a sudden. Was it really worthless? I took a pen out of my pocket and scratched the words.
I rewrote: “Without words…”
A poem is better if it’s about yourself and your experiences, it would have a greater impact and mean so much more.
After I had written down everything, I headed my way to Seoul Solaris.

Jimmy stayed at my side all along. If it didn’t look downright weird, I would’ve wrapped an arm around him. He was my companion, my best friend, my boyfriend if I daresay. I loved him and he loved me back, but I was the only witness to that.
In fact, I was the only one who knew of his existence, because I invented him, but he was real enough for me, so most of the time I forgot where he really came from…

“Sabrina, fighting~!” Jimmy cheered me on and it made a smile break through on my face.
Quickly I found my way to the rooms backstage. Seoul Solaris was huge and there were many talented and not-so-talented artists who awaited their opportunity to make a name.
Although you’d expect for the repeated winner of the monthly Poetry Slamming Championship to be loaded with greetings upon arrival, I wasn’t greeted. Only Minho smirked at me by way of noticing my presence.

“Don’t let them get to you, on stage you’ll be acknowledged.”

“I know…” I whispered when Jimmy reminded me it was better that people left me on my own when I wasn’t performing. A value called: privacy remained untouched.

As I was repeating my poem over and over in my mind, my eyes fell upon the stranger that Minho brought along. He was a lot shorter than Minho, but somehow, in a non-physical way, he was bigger.
I didn’t know the guy had an interest in poetry slamming as well.
Driven by my curiosity I stood watching Minho’s friend from a distance. He seemed to be rehearsing a poem with Minho, but instead of putting the sheet of paper away in his own pocket, he gave it to Minho, who started reciting it after him. What was going on? Did Minho just got himself a poem?
Discretely I moved myself closer to Minho and his friend.

“Yah, Sabrina! I’m so going to defeat you!” Minho suddenly turned and addressed me.
Caught in the visor of a hunter, like a deer on the highway, that’s how I felt and I directly flashed a rather uncertain grin at him.
‘Ignore’ is the word that rang through my mind, as I decided not to react on him, hoping he would leave me alone, but there wasn’t such luck…
“Yah! You hear me? Jonghyun and I will beat you this month!” Minho said, no scratch that, he yelled it at me.
My head perked up. Jonghyun? His friend was named Jonghyun? Something in my mind told me the guy was friends with Minho thus had to be some type of jerk, but I was definitely pleased with the fact I now knew his name.
“Hi.” I was dragged out of my thought bubble by the greeting of the very same person I was just thinking about. Jonghyun had extended his hand and was expecting me to shake it. I think Minho was just as much, or even more surprised by his friend’s mannerism as I was.
Hesitantly I shook his hand, flashing him a still uncertain, but genuine smile.
“Minho didn’t properly introduce me, so I thought I’d introduce myself. I’m Kim Jonghyun.”
Who was this Kim Jonghyun?
“I’m Sabrina Kwon.” I said, trying to give Jonghyun the impression that I was, in fact, a social being that liked to be talked to.
“Well, Sabrina, good luck on your performance!” Jonghyun said and smiled as Minho pulled him away by his arm because it was probably embarrassing when your friend was talking to someone as insignificant as me.

The small conversation was nice, but I was convinced such a conversation wouldn’t occur anymore. I was sure Minho and Jonghyun would talk about me and Minho would tell him not to care about me.
“What do you think I should do, Jimmy?” I asked without using my organ of speech.
The answer came late. “Nothing, just talk to him and get to know him.” Jimmy said, without appearing in physical form.
I decided then that I should forget it, I didn’t know Jonghyun, but he was a friend of Minho… He was nice, but who knew what other side there was to him? He even wished me good luck! Good luck!! That was stage superstition number 1, which was sure to bring bad luck, if you believed in superstitions. Of course he could just be a newbie to the stage, but wasn’t this common knowledge?

When it was finally time for me to do my poetry slamming, I climbed the stairs to the stage and approached the microphone in the middle. I took it from the holder and walked a little to the right side, then the left and I halted back in the middle of the stage. Then I let my eyes wander over the people who held their breathes in anticipation of my poem. While waiting a little longer than expected, I started my poem.
“Without words…” I slowly said into the microphone and I let a silence fall, which was heavy of the public’s curiosity.
Then I proceeded with my poem about an orphanage girl who didn’t speak, ending it with the two core words. “Without words.”
A big applause reassured me I had done it right again.

When I passed the next contestant I felt a hand squeeze my arm lightly. I looked up and noticed the next contestant was Jonghyun. “You did well!” He said and then stepped on stage, before I could wish him a broken leg.
I watched from the side as he was doing his performance. He wasn’t bad for a beginner, he wasn’t bad at all. He was terribly good, as if he’d been born and brought up on stage. He captured the audience with his poses, entertained them with his pleasant speech, baffled them with his smile, but most of all, he had me enchanted with the most beautiful poem I had ever heard. And I have heard plenty, but none of them put me under a spell quite as much as his did.
Apparently the public was just as overwhelmed as I was, as they stayed quiet for a second after the performance and then they gave him the loudest standing ovation I’d ever witnessed.

“Jimmy, is he beating me, do you think?” I asked my loved one.

No answer. “Where are you?” I turned to see behind me, although I didn’t talk to Jimmy out loud, I had expected him to be around for me to see him.
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Did you see me do well?” Jonghyun asked, glowing with pride. If it wasn’t so endearing to see him all excited about something I do every month, I would have been annoyed with him. People who ask for compliments annoy me in general.
“Yeah, you did great!” I answered, giving him the thumbs up. He grinned and I felt my heart make a back flip. What was happening to me?

Until it was time to announce the winner on stage, Jonghyun kept his arm around my shoulder as we watched the other contestants. I didn’t know whether he had just forgotten about his arm or how else this gesture was meant. I only knew I was feeling weirdly excited and it was suffocating at the same time. Unconsciously I thought of Jimmy.
“Should I say something to Jonghyun?” I asked him.
“Why are you asking me?” Jimmy answered, still non-appearing. This was new, he always gave me advice… Before I could address my surprise to him, he continued.
“Maybe it’s time for you to forget about my opinion…”
“Why?” I asked, shocked and a bit sad.
“It’s time I should leave… You need real friends, people that you can communicate with, so you don’t rely so much on my ever-present persona…” Jimmy said and I listened to him.
Deep down I knew he was right and I had been feeling a little puzzled about life lately too. It seemed like everyone knew how to handle social stuff and I didn’t. It was easier to protest against Jimmy and claim that I needed him, but I knew it wouldn’t change the path that was laid out before me and on which the first steps had already been taken. I was going to leave Jimmy behind on the round-about in my life and walk the social path in front of me…

“First place is Kim Jonghyun!” the announcement woke me up out of my thoughts. Jonghyun hugged me, making me even more dazed than I already was. Then he stepped onto the stage, received his prize and gave a little speech.
While I was watching him on stage, Minho nudged me in the side. “I told you. We’d win…”
Just as I was thinking about something to say back to him, Jonghyun approached us and put his arms around our shoulders.
The three of us walked out like that and Jonghyun lead us into the little lunchroom across Seoul Solaris. “So I won… I want to celebrate it with you two!”
I couldn’t help wondering why it sounded like Minho and I were a ‘we’ before, not that I wanted it to be like that, Jonghyun just made it sound like we were actually friends, before he tagged along.
Since it was almost Christmas, he ordered us all a large hot chocolate.

I noticed Minho was more silent than I’d ever seen him be. Normally he would just say something to tease or even bully me, but I guess his friend’s attitude silenced him. Didn’t he have nice words in his vocabulary?
“What are you going to do with Christmas?” Jonghyun asked as both Minho and I were sipping our hot chocolates in total silence.
“I’m going to Paris with my parents.” Minho answered, as if it was something they’d do every Christmas. Well, they probably did something like that every year anyway.
“Cool, you’re going to celebrate Christmas the European way?” Jonghyun asked, impressed and a little envious. I wasn’t sure the European and Korean way of celebrating Christmas were very different from each other…
“I guess…” Minho laughed, amused with Jonghyun’s enthusiasm.
“And you?” He turned to me. The jerk, Minho, was speaking to me like I was a human being, interested and kind… What was happening here? Was it Jonghyun’s presence or Minho’s character change?
“I-I’m going to my hometown to celebrate with my family.” I answered and smiled wryly at Minho, still not sure of his intention. To my surprise, he smiled genuinely and asked where my hometown was.
“Don’t tell me it’s Daegu!” Jonghyun said and pointed to me full of energy.
“It is!” I shouted enthusiastically, then I realized it was nothing like my character to shout.
“We’re closing in 5 minutes…” the owner of the lunchroom commented in passing.

When we were outside Minho said goodbye fairly quickly, but Jonghyun and I didn’t seem too eager to leave.
Hanging around each other, Jonghyun suddenly turned to me, grabbed both of my arms and gave me a small kiss on my forehead. “Then I’ll see you in Daegu… It so happens to be the place I’m staying this Christmas as well.”
Smiling I looked as Jonghyun walked away, his hands in his pockets, whistling.
Something told me this was going to be a good Christmas.

~~~

Extra credit goes to my sister for writing the first quarter of the story! =] [She wrote up to where the main character gets up to go to Seoul Solaris]

At The End Of My Season

Aki inhaled the fresh air of autumn as she stepped outside the orphanage. Holding on to the straps of her bag, she walked the steps down to the street and proceeded her way to the graveyard.
It was still a few months before Christmas, but Aki had been excited for days already. Like every year, Christmas was going to be a time filled with love and friendship, despite the cold weather, it was one of the warmest moments in life. Even if she had no family to spend it with…

Aki became an orphan 11 years ago, at the age of 5, when her father didn’t survive an accident at work. Her mother had passed away after she gave birth to Aki. Aki was welcomed in Sakura Orphanage and lived there ever since her dad’s accident.
Because she was one of the oldest, Aki had a room for herself, which she was thankful for. So many of her dongsaengs shared rooms with more than 3 others, causing them to have little to no privacy. Aki embraced the privacy in her room as she loved to be on her own.
Instead of hanging in her room all day, Aki preferred going outside, because she loved the different colors, smells and feels that every season brought forth. Bringing her sketchbook along, she could spend hours outside, drawing what she saw or what she fantasized.

Today she was going to her parents’ grave. She didn’t visit them on a regular basis, but now she wanted to talk to them, she needed to tell them. Today marked a big day in her life.
“Appa, umma…” Aki said softly as she arrived at her parents’ shared grave. “it’s been a long time and I only have sad news to share…”
She squatted down on her knees and laid a gloved hand on the icy cold marble coping stone while the first tears started blurring her vision.
“I’m ill, appa, umma… The doctors said I have leukemia.” Aki said, barely audible.
Thinking about her illness, it made her silent. She wasn’t the type of person to talk about her problems with others. Telling her parents about her illness was awkward, moreover because there was only a marble stone with their names on it to remind her of them.
“I’m scared, but I’m getting chemotherapy. Today I’ll get the first session…” Aki whispered to the stone as little drops of water began pouring down out of the sky, bringing background music into the scene.

How long she had been kneeling beside her parents’ grave, Aki didn’t know, but when she heard the clocks of the nearby church, she knew she was running late for her appointment at the hospital.
Quickly she said her silent goodbyes to her parents and paid respect by bowing to their grave. Then she slung her bag over one shoulder and ran… She ran until her muscles ached, she became light-headed and panted for breath. If she ran on, her sense of balance would soon begin to fail. So she collapsed against a tree and sat down to regain her physical calm.

Only then did Aki realize how vicious the rainfall had become. She was practically drenched already. Raindrops fell down, splashing on the yellow and orange leaves of autumn, forming tiny pools of water everywhere around her. Aki didn’t want to think about the state her sketchbook would be in by now. Her bag was made of denim, which didn’t keep any water out. Fortunately Aki never kept her finished works in the sketchbook, they went safely into a box underneath her bed and a few of them had ended up on the walls of the orphanage, framed.

While she waited for her breathing to slow down and her dizziness to go away, Aki noticed a pair of shoes –male designer shoes– coming to a halt in front of her. Following up the shoes was a dark blue denim pair of jeans, without doubt designer as well, and if not, they still must have cost a fortune. On top of that the male being wore a slim black jacket of what seemed a firm polyamide and polyester mix, but was probably something more luxurious. In his right hand he held an umbrella, shielding him and a part of Aki’s stretched out legs from the rain. Slowly Aki looked up at the guy standing before her. A smile greeted her, but she could read concern in his eyes as well.
“Are you doing well? You look very pale and I noticed you don’t have an umbrella with you.” The guy said, with a voice that was remarkably warm and comforting.

However much Aki was taken off-guard by this guy’s appearance, she didn’t really open up to him. She never liked it when people pitied her. Prying eyes, story diggers, compassionate gossipers, curious watchers, Aki knew it was all about the people’s need to satisfy their longing for information, and juicy information was highly preferred.
“I’m… f-fine actually.” Aki managed to say, sounding as casual as possible, while avoiding the stranger’s glance.
“You’re shivering…” the guy pointed out, without a single trace of disapproval or sarcasm.
Aki pulled her legs a little closer to her chest as the guy squatted down in front of her to be able to look her in the eyes.
“Where were you heading to?” He asked softly, making Aki jolt and get up, as she remembered her hospital appointment.
“Hospital…” she breathed as she slung her bag over her shoulder again.
“Wait! Take this with you…” The guy said as he gently held Aki back by her right arm and handed her his umbrella.
Wide-eyed, but thankful, she accepted the umbrella while a slight smile broke through on her face.
Then she ran the last few meters, as fast as she could manage.

The stranger was still lingering in her thoughts as Aki walked into the waiting room and was immediately called in for further treatment.
“You’re a tad late…” the doctor said smiling. He was in a good mood today.
“I… I was needed to finish some chores.” Aki lied to spare herself from having to explain the entire situation, starting from her visit to the graveyard. The doctor couldn’t possibly know she had been drenched by the rain, since she had to change into hospital clothing already.
The doctor shook his head. “Unbelievable, they dared to let a Leukemia-patient take care of household chores?”
Aki raised her shoulders. “These things just need to be done.” she said, defending her alibi or rather, her lie.

A few hours later, Aki had gone through her first chemotherapy session. She was feeling horrible, as her body had to recover from the damage caused by the chemo radiation. For the time span of a week, Aki would stay at the hospital, monitored by doctors who checked whether the chemotherapy was effectively killing the cancer cells.

One of Aki’s few unnies at the orphanage had brought a bag with toiletries, some clothes and a few magazines to the hospital. Along with the bag, she also brought a new sketchbook and Aki’s familiar set of gray pencils. She even brought a newly bought set of colored pencils.

The days following the chemotherapy Aki had spend in bed, propped up against her pillows with her sketchbook on her lap, drawing. Because there was nothing that gave her inspiration for a sketch, she began fantasizing. Without much effort, her inspiration was driven by the one image of a young man handing her his umbrella. She began drawing what her memory could recall of him. When she was finished with the portrait, she placed it next to her bed. It was so much the stranger with the umbrella, that it even shocked her how well the image had stuck with her.

When after another 2 days Aki felt good enough to get out of bed, the doctors allowed her to get dressed and take up small activities within the walls of the hospital. Happy about the new opportunities, Aki took up her sketchbook and pencils and headed to the visitors room close to the main entrance. In her new surroundings there were lots of options to draw. Singling out a sleeping grandpa with a characteristic face, she began to draw.

A month had passed and Aki had now spend almost a full week of her second session of chemotherapy in the hospital. This time she had been more exhausted than after the previous session. Her hair had miraculously not yet fallen out, but it was remarkably thinner, as was the rest of her figure. Unexplainable bruises had appeared on her wrists and at the side of her face as well as on one of her upper legs. The chemotherapy didn’t seem to be very effective…

It was two days before Christmas when suddenly Aki saw the guy from her portrait walk to the exit doors of the hospital. Their eyes met each other for a brief second and the guy had decided to approach Aki with a smile. Aki noticed how his smile made him look much more little-boyish than his clothes suggested he was.
“Have you taken good care of my umbrella?” the guy asked cheerful as he went to sit next to Aki, a little hesitant, but not very nervous. “I’m Sanghyun by the way, but you can call me Chundoong… That’s how my friends call me.”
“Aki.” Aki replied as she smiled at him and extended her hand.
“Japanese?” Chundoong asked, shaking her hand as Aki nodded once. “Does it mean…”
“Yes, it means autumn!” Aki laughed, amused how Chundoong as well as most others asked her about it. “Chundoong means thunder, doesn’t it?”
Chundoong nodded. “Better than ‘current phase’, right? Since Sang Hyun means ‘current phase’.”
Aki chuckled. It surprised her how easily she broke her habit to shy away from people, she WANTED him to talk to her, to keep her from doing something else, to OCCUPY her.
“What brings you to the hospital?” she asked.
“Oh, nothing big, just a regular check up on my vocal cords. I’m in a band and I was having a cold a few days back.” Thunder explained.
How Aki wanted him to continue talking. Then she could enjoy studying his face for a few seconds longer before having to speak herself.
“So you had the cold, while I was the person without the umbrella?” Aki joked.
Chundoong smiled the cutest grin Aki had ever seen. Even a giggling baby with mandu-cheeks and big sparkling eyes couldn’t tip this level of cuteness.
Then suddenly the expression on Chundoong’s face changed from happy, to surprised, to concerned and eventually to worried as Aki felt how warm liquid started to run from her nose. Touching her upper lip, she noticed it was red, she was having a nosebleed.
“Here, this will help stop the bleeding.” Aki heard Chundoong say as he handed her a paper tissue. However soon after she pressed the tissue under her nose, she felt herself dangling between consciousness and unconsciousness, until eventually everything turned black before her eyes.

Not knowing how to handle the situation properly, Chundoong’s natural reaction took over. He pressed the tissue under Aki’s nose, while screaming for a doctor. A short period of time later, Aki was brought to the emergency room for treatment. All the while Chundoong waited for her at the door of the room, pacing the hallway.

Aki came around half an hour later and was brought back to her own room, but she was very weak and not able to hold any lengthy conversation. Three sentences was the most she could produce before sighing and closing her eyes for a brief moment. So instead of talking, Chundoong just sat alongside her bed. Somehow he felt he was needed at her side, even if that wasn’t true, he still wanted to be there.

Aki had closed her eyes, but Chundoong wasn’t sure whether she was sleeping or still awake. Gently he took her hand in his and he noticed to his relief that it was warm. His eyes wandered over her and Chundoong wondered why there weren’t any family members present. Then his eyes spotted a drawing on the bedside table. He looked at the figure and was shocked to recognize his own face. His mouth was a little different, but the rest of the drawing matched his features almost perfectly.
“Do you like it?” Aki’s voice asked softly, making Chundoong turn his head and nod.
Before he could answer her with words, the door opened and a doctor came in.
“I hope I don’t interrupt your conversation, but I’d like to have a word with the young man.” the doctor said and smiled politely.
Chundoong and Aki exchanged a look before Chundoong followed the doctor out of the room.

“You might have noticed Aki isn’t doing so well…” the doctor started and Chundoong nodded knowingly. Aki had told him about her illness, about the cancer that was eating away her energy.
“For the past months we have tried chemotherapy, but it doesn’t seem to be very effective, so we’ve started looking for donors for a BMT, a bone marrow transplantation.” Chundoong had heard about that before, he also heard it was a very painful operation.
“Are you willing to test your bone marrow tissue to see if it matches Aki’s? Normally a family member, preferably a sibling, provides bone marrow, but since Aki doesn’t have any family, we have to search for someone else.” the doctor explained.
Before Chundoong thought about Aki not having family, he nodded, agreeing to test his bone marrow tissue. A test wouldn’t hurt, besides how big could the chance of a match be? There really was only a tiny little chance of actually donating.

And that chance happened to be pretty big as Chundoong’s marrow was nearly identical with Aki’s. The day after the test results, the two of them were –dressed in hospital clothing, laid down on an operation table– ready for their operation. To make the operation a quick one, they were next to each other on one big table. Going through this together, they held each other’s hand as the anesthesia was settling in and they both closed their eyes to fall into an artificial sleep.

Chundoong was far from selfish, but he didn’t exactly run after the hungry and needy to support them. Somehow he did feel a strong urge to support Aki’s needs. The fact that she had lost both her parents and had no biological siblings made him want to take care of her even more. Although his friends had joked he was into charity, he didn’t see Aki as some sort of charity. Of course she needed a ‘donation’, but unlike with charities, he sincerely cared for her to survive, he needed her to survive. Up to a point that he wished he was the one with the illness, instead of her…

A week passed as the two were recovering together, their legs in casts. Aki had grown stronger and the liveliness had returned in her eyes. Her body had not rejected Chundoong’s marrow and that meant she was now in her process to recover from the leukemia.

“Where are we going?” Aki asked as Chundoong wheeled himself out of the hospital, followed by Aki, also in a wheelchair.
“You’ll see when we get there…” Chundoong grinned as he slowed down for Aki to catch up on him.
Today it was Christmas, the first day Aki was allowed to go outside. Chundoong had already been allowed to go out, since he wasn’t seriously ill.

They wheeled into the park until they reached a nice spot near the lake. Enjoying the view for a moment, Chundoong decided it was the right time.
“Aki…” he said as he gently took her hand, making her avert her eyes from the scenery around them to him.
“…do you want to be my girl?” Chundoong said, nervous, but sincere.

Goong… goong… goong… Aki’s heartbeat raced, her eyes filled up with tears of joy as she could only nod, not trusting her voice at that moment.
Chundoong’s cute grin appeared as he too started to become watery-eyed.
Instinctively Aki reached for her nose, but there was no liquid flowing, she was not going to black out, she was perfectly fine, although a little light-headed.
‘At the end of my season, there’s the prospect of another, even better one.’ Aki thought.
Chundoong chuckled as he moved forward and their lips became one in a dazzling kiss.

~~~

x] Sorry for the mushy stuff...

Because I'm Stupid

Was I wrong to turn away when I had the chance with you?
Your smile would light up my day
Your laughter would lift my heart

But I was too stupid to realise your pure feelings for me
All the hints you gave me
Why did I not pay attention at all?

Will you give me a chance?
I will promise to be yours
Can you turn my midnight into your day?
Can you be mine if I asked?

Even though you could’ve been mine
Even though it was my own mistake
Could you forgive me and take me under your wings
I’m forever crying for you
I’m forever, just missing for you
Baby I love you, I’m waiting for you

Where are you when I need you?
Where was I when you needed me?
Are we straying from each other’s paths?
Should our destiny ever be crossed?

Was it all my fault?
Would you have stayed if I said yes?
And now my heart is yearning for you
Will you come back to me again?

Even though you could’ve been mine
Even though it was my own mistake
Could you forgive me and take me under your wings
I’m forever crying for you
I’m forever, just missing for you
Baby I love you, I’m waiting for you

Bye bye, never say goodbye
I know that we were destined to be
I need you, Fate just understand, I want you
I’ll wait, no matter, I will wait

Even though you could’ve been mine
Even though it was my own mistake
Could you forgive me and take me under your wings
I’m forever crying for you

Even though you could’ve been mine
Even though it was my own mistake
Could you forgive me and take me under your wings
I’m forever crying for you
I’m forever, just missing for you
Baby I love you, I’m waiting for you

[Lyrics are from Ss501's song "Because I'm Stupid"]

CHAPTER 1: Because...

The sun was shining its weak Autumn morning sun rays through the trees along the road. However YoungSaeng did not notice… He didn’t notice the sun, he didn’t notice the trees, he didn’t notice the children playing on the grass, in fact, he didn’t notice anything apart from the road he drove on.

For the past few months he had been living for his work. Nothing else bore his interest. He’d drive himself to the studios every morning and returned home only late at night. With his four band mates he would practise dances, compose music, record songs or write lyrics. Occasionally they would attend fan meetings, perform on stage or appear in a variety show. When such an event was scheduled, YoungSaeng would put on a smiley face and be the happy guy, but deep inside he felt completely different. Deep inside, YoungSaeng felt hollow, like he was stabbed with a knife that had cut out his heart.

‘Why is your music so melancholic these days, hyung?’ HyungJun asked him. Taking one of the sheets with lyrics on which YoungSaeng had been working. ‘You can’t see them yet, I have to finish them first!’ YoungSaeng said and grabbed the papers out of Baby’s hands. ‘Okay… I was just curious, no need to act all that heated…’ HyungJun muttered and went his own way again.

After another hour of composing, YoungSaeng felt as if he needed a quick break. He was trying to focus so hard on the lyrics, but caught himself just staring at the paper instead. He knew it wasn’t productive to work like this, but he had no intention of quitting just yet.

Just when YoungSaeng thought he was getting somewhere, his phone made a buzzing sound. It was HyunJoong sending him a text message, whether YoungSaeng would come to the dance studio right away. They had to practise a new dance, apparently.

With a sigh YoungSaeng gathered his stuff and made his way to the studio. His hands were filled with sheets, books, pencils, an eraser and a tuning fork. He was already wearing dancewear, so luckily that was all he needed. Balancing his stuff on one arm he managed to open the door and reached the hallway. A smile appeared on his mouth. Nothing dropped!

When he looked up, he struggled with his balance. TaeYeon was coming his way… He grabbed for the tuning fork that was sliding over the sheets. He was too late, it fell and made a loud ‘poing’ sound. Quickly he went to reach for it, but TaeYeon had picked it up for him already.

Swallowing, YoungSaeng noticed his throat was dry. That face… that angel-like face… He was in love, but he longed for something that wasn’t within his grasp. They had been close, but there were still too many things unsaid, too many wishes unfulfilled and yet their love was an old one, a dead one maybe…

“Thank you…” YoungSaeng said, looking at his papers, which were less interesting, but safer to look at.

“You’re welcome…” TaeYeon said, with the same awkward voice, or was it polite? YoungSaeng didn’t know, but he took the courage to look at her face and smile. Her face looked weary and raw, she looked like she hadn’t slept for days.

“Are you okay?” YoungSaeng asked, softening his voice even further. He didn’t want to sound rude or intruding. TaeYeon nodded once and smiled faintly. Then she took a step away from him and pointed in front of her, as if to say she was going back to the future.

“I have to go now…” She said. YoungSaeng questioned himself about the future. Will they be together in the future? He saw TaeYeon walk away. The sound of her steady steps died away like the moments of them together had faded into nothingness.

In a hurry YoungSaeng sprinted towards the dance studio. His unplanned meeting with TaeYeon slowed him down and his band mates were probably all waiting for him already.

“What took you so long? Seriously, I did tell you it was an emergency, didn’t I?” HyunJoong complained once YoungSaeng turned his head around the door of the dance studio. “You didn’t…” YoungSaeng answered, trying hard to remember the exact contents of the text message. “Oh… Well, there is and we have to solve it!” HyunJoong went on. Putting his stuff in the corner of the dance studio, YoungSaeng turned to listen to his leader.

“The problem is, we have to practise 3 new dances before the Asia tour, which is next month… That gives us an average of 5 days to learn each dance and 5 more days to perfect them!” the leader explained. “Okay! Let’s not waste time anymore!” JungMin shouted and got everyone to get up.

When the dance practise ended it was late. KyuJong had suggested to have dinner together, so they headed out to a nearby restaurant. Most of the trainees and debuted artists went to that restaurant. It provided for a calm dinner, since it was only accessible by company pass.

Everyone was tired from the dance training, but they had done a great job and had learned most of the dance already. It was time for some relaxation.

When YoungSaeng entered the restaurant, his eyes grew wide and his hands got a little sweaty and warm. So Nyeo Shi Dae was also having dinner at the restaurant… He regretted going here now. He thought he had forgotten her, but now he knew he could never. His heart was racing, but he refused to call it love. He hoped to see her, but he refused to look at her. He was head over heels, but unable to reach his heart’s desire.

“Heey~!” HyunJoong said and approached the SNSD dinner table. Friendly greetings came from both groups. A table was placed next to the one of SNSD and there YoungSaeng was, sitting next to the one he couldn’t show his love to… It brought back so many memories to just smell her scent, memories YoungSaeng thought he had forgotten, but they were still in his mind, stronger than he thought possible. They were all alive again…

CHAPTER 2: ... I Am...

It was 2 and a half years ago when they first met. YoungSaeng had just debuted with Ss501 and they were backstage from their first performance. Lots of people were congratulating them, it was really crowded around them. YoungSaeng was teary eyed, just like the rest of the members. He was so happy they had finally made their debut, but he could only show it by crying. The emotions were just too strong. Suddenly there was a pair of hands touching his face. A girl was in front of him. She smiled as she stroke his tears away with her thumbs. Totally shocked, YoungSaeng forgot to cry. Was this kind of thing what you call ‘being harassed by a fan’?

The girl turned out to be trainee who listened to the name TaeYeon. She wasn’t a stalker, nor a crazy fan. She had seen their debut performance and wanted to congratulate YoungSaeng, since he had caught her eye. At first YoungSaeng had been hesitant, but after they talked for a while, they got to know each other a little better and he started to like her. They had exchanged phone numbers too that evening.

His members had made fun of him, teasing him with his new ‘girlfriend’. “When’s the wedding?” JungMin would ask. “Can I be your best man?” HyungJun would throw in his question. Then they would all start to discuss who should or shouldn’t be his best man. “Why don’t you just wait until I send you an invitation? Until then, no word about marriage… okay?” YoungSaeng had laughed the first time they teased him, but soon enough he gave up going against them.

In reality, TaeYeon and he weren’t that close. They were close, but marriage was far away, if it even existed for them. Back then he liked her and she liked him, but he wasn’t sure whether the feelings he had could be called ‘love’.

“YoungSaeng oppa, let’s go to the beach today, the weather is really warm!” TaeYeon said, nudging his arm. “The beach? Hmm… okay!” YoungSaeng smiled.

They had met an hour later, having their beach wear with them. YoungSaeng picked her up in his car and together they drove to the beach. Because YoungSaeng had just debuted people didn’t recognize him when he wasn’t with the rest of Ss501. Still, he drove to a place that he knew to be more or less deserted. Only a few people knew about that place between the rocks. When he was younger, YoungSaeng would always come here with his friends, now he was here with TaeYeon…

In one of the rocks was a cave. YoungSaeng and TaeYeon took turns to change into their swimwear in the cave. A little awkward they stood next to each other. What were you supposed to do with a girl on a beach? While YoungSaeng was still thinking of a thing to do, TaeYeon ran to the water and started wading through the first small waves at the shore. Without thinking anymore YoungSaeng followed her and checked the temperature of the water with his toes. It was a little cold, but it provided a nice contrast with the sultry weather.

“Oppa, isn’t the water nice?” TaeYeon commented and ran further into the sea. The water came up to her waist now. “Yeah, it is…” YoungSaeng smiled and slowly moved forward. The sand beneath his feet was muddy and slippery, YoungSaeng didn’t know how TaeYeon could just run on it. Swimming, TaeYeon came back to YoungSaeng, who was now also till his waist in the water. She was grinning sweetly, but a twinkle in her eyes gave away her mischievous intention. “YoungSaeng?” Her sweet voice said, making him look at her. Then at the same time she moved her hands under the surface of the water and threw a big splash into YoungSaeng’s face. He spluttered for a while, but he was out for revenge…

TaeYeon was tired of swimming and went back to the shore, ready for something to eat or drink. When she could put her feet onto the ground, YoungSaeng caught hold of her shoulders and turned her around. The water was just below their shoulders. Through the almost transparent water, YoungSaeng could see the contours of her yellow bikini and his navy blue swim-short. Laughing TaeYeon started splashing water in his face again. Knowing that this was his chance at revenge, YoungSaeng tried to tackle TaeYeon and playfully push her into the water… but then he slipped.

Without meaning to, that had been their first kiss. Together they had submerged into the water, their lips locked. When they came above the surface, TaeYeon was smiling widely, but YoungSaeng was confused. Did he like her this much? Or did he WANT to like her this much?

Later that day, after they had both taken a shower, TaeYeon suggested to go to the boulevard. She knew a place to eat, called ‘Ramzy’s Steak House’, which served barbecued meat and soft drinks. They ate on the terrace and enjoyed a beautiful view over the public beach. YoungSaeng was having fun. He enjoyed being with TaeYeon a lot. They clicked and that felt good.

“You really like spare ribs, don’t you oppa?” TaeYeon asked, seeing YoungSaeng eating one happily. Without answering YoungSaeng picked up another piece of spare rib and offered her a bite. TaeYeon closed her eyes as she was enjoying the food, it tasted good and being fed by YoungSaeng made it even more desirable for her. “Hehe…” YoungSaeng laughed softly. “You liked that?”

“Do you know what I always thought romantic?” TaeYeon asked, when it was starting to get darker as the evening handed the reigns over to the night. “Romantic? Eh… This?” YoungSaeng guessed jokingly and grabbed her hand. They were slowly walking on the boulevard, towards the place where YoungSaeng’s car was parked. “That’s part of it…” TaeYeon smiled. Behind her the sun had begun shining its last rays before disappearing below the horizon. TaeYeon smiled at him as she started to pull him away from the boulevard, towards the beach. On the sand they sat side by side, watching the last minutes of the sun setting. The boulevard was now beautifully lit with small lamps in different colours.

TaeYeon put her hand onto YoungSaeng’s knee as she turned towards him. YoungSaeng, who was extremely conscious of that hand on his knee, lightly started to panic. TaeYeon was about to kiss him, she was already closing the distance between them. “What are you doing?” YoungSaeng said, swallowing. He knew it was a major turn-off for her, but he wasn’t ready to kiss her. It confused him, even more because he was convinced that he liked her…

“YoungSaeng oppa, you don’t like me?” TaeYeon asked. Her voice was small, she sounded hurt and disappointed. “I like you…” YoungSaeng said, but he could not say more, he didn’t know what more there was… YoungSaeng could see a glistening trail along TaeYeon’s cheeks, she was crying. He wanted to wipe her tears, but he couldn’t do it, instead he looked at his sand-covered feet. “I’m sorry…” he muttered.

CHAPTER 3: ... Stupid

Weeks had passed after that eventful day at the beach. At first TaeYeon had tried even harder to win over YoungSaeng’s heart, but he didn’t change. He would treat her well, pay close attention to her and provide a warm atmosphere with laughter, but when it got romantic, he’d just close up and become awkward.

After a while of ineffectual trying, TaeYeon gave up. She wanted to be with him, but her love for him and his rejections were so very painful to her that she couldn’t take it any longer. She stopped calling him and created a gap in their once so close friendship.

TaeYeon avoided YoungSaeng for most of the time. When on times they would meet, she always kept a polite distance and never really opened up to him.

That’s when YoungSaeng realized he missed her. There was no-one else he had been this close with, not even with his band mates or his parents. Their connection had been a different one. He also realized he had been selfish, he had taken advantage of her love for him. He had shamelessly liked it that she loved him, but he wasn’t able to return her love. Yet he kept giving her hope…

Then, a year later, TaeYeon debuted as leader of So Nyeo Shi Dae and she started to have a busy career as well. She was away for most of the time, doing promotional work and everything else a beginning star has to partake to catch the eye of the greater public. YoungSaeng hardly ever saw her again, only on television.

New trainees had arrived at the company, but YoungSaeng had little to no interest in them. Subconsciously, he compared them all to TaeYeon and none of them matched.

Now YoungSaeng realized he was in love, a fool in love… and it was too late to tell her that. He didn’t know how to get close with her again. So instead of trying, he gave her up, like she had done with him…

And now, two and a half years after their first meeting, he was here, sitting beside the one he loved, the one he had hurt and the one who had loved him. He wanted to talk to her, but he didn’t know what to say, she didn’t seem to want to talk to him either. So they quietly ate their meals, while the rest was chatting and laughing.

“What’s with them?” Sunny, who sat on the other side of the table, whispered to KyuJong, who sat next to her. “They are awkward with each other, because of a past relationship…” KyuJong whispered back. ‘Thanks… spill the beans all you want…’ YoungSaeng thought, but pretended not to have heard them. Luckily Sunny just nodded slowly, like she understood it and let it pass as she continued her cheerful conversations.

The dinner had been long and awkward. YoungSaeng had not been able to say a single word to TaeYeon and she in return didn’t talk to him. He ate carefully, trying his hardest not to touch her on accident. When the sate sauce was out of his reach, he wouldn’t ask her to pass it to him, he would just eat his meal without it.

Is this the end? Is this truly how it will be? Will I always watch and not have her? YoungSaeng thought about the future and a feeling of desperation hit him as both groups were about to leave the restaurant and part ways, to meet who knows when again.

As they walked out of the restaurant, the sky had started to darken as the sun had just set. It was late August and the days were growing shorter.

Driven by his desperation and hope at the same time, YoungSaeng grabbed TaeYeon’s hand and pulled her away from the group. The So Nyeo Shi Dae girls were making worried and surprised sounds while Sunny and the boys of Ss501 understood and explained to the rest what was happening. YoungSaeng and TaeYeon did not notice all the hectic as they were both paying attention to where YoungSaeng was going.

At the park, YoungSaeng finally stopped walking and motioned for her to sit down on the bench. “I need to talk to you, if you don’t mind…” YoungSaeng said, while half of his determination had already slipped away and made place for insecurity. He went to sit next to her, but maintained a comfortable distance.

Because TaeYeon remained silent, YoungSaeng continued to speak. “First of all, I’m sorry… I was selfish and I didn’t know the value of our friendship…” TaeYeon looked up at him and smiled slightly. “It’s okay… The value was undetermined, because the exchange rate did not match…” She talked in Economics, but she had just summarised it all.

YoungSaeng looked at his feet. “I don’t know how to say it…” He commented and TaeYeon wondered what it was YoungSaeng thought about.

For a while they sat there, silently side by side. Until YoungSaeng opened his mouth again. “Can I take you to the beach?” He asked. “Eh… Now?” TaeYeon responded, shifting her gaze from the sky to YoungSaeng’s face. YoungSaeng nodded. “Yeah, now...” Without answering him TaeYeon stood up from the bench, ready to walk with him to the beach.

At the beach YoungSaeng spread his jacket on the sand for her to sit on. She was wearing a white pair of jeans and he didn’t want them to get dirty. As they both sat down, YoungSaeng felt his stomach knot. He was nervous because he knew what he was going to do.

“TaeYeon-ah… Do you, still like me?” YoungSaeng asked softly, almost inaudible. TaeYeon, who had looked at him while he spoke, did not answer and started staring ahead while breathing heavier. She remembered his first and most painful rejection all too well. Then she looked at him with big eyes. YoungSaeng bit his lower lip as he slowly started moving towards her, closing the distance between them. Every time he thought he saw her hesitating or holding back, he stopped moving. At the end of the distance, their lips met. He kissed her like she was made of fragile porcelain. Then he felt a warm hand land on his knee and a responding kiss on his lips.

It was the end of the summer, but the beginning of a warm love.

YoungSaeng could see the coloured lamps of the boulevard reflect in a trail of glistening tears on TaeYeon’s cheeks, she was smiling. With his thumb YoungSaeng stroke away her tears and held her close to his chest.

~~~